For most of my life, I’ve pretty much known what was going to happen to me and where I would be 5 years later. A few things have shocked me, but not many. Today I was asked a question that had me reflecting back 5 years, and I was shocked to find that this last 5 year period is really the first time in my life I’ve be surprised about where my life has led me.
5 years ago I had just moved from West Virginia to North Carolina. I’d blown through all of my savings trying to stay in West Virginia after being downsized, trying to hang onto a relationship that was going nowhere quick. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault, we where just badly suited.
I’d moved into my parents guest bedroom. I had a single wide trailer on an acre attached to my parents farm but it was in bad shape and needed work to be livable. I was willing to put in the work, just didn’t really have the money to do it at the time.
I was working at a Sheetz in the kitchen and I HATED it. My efforts to get back into an accounting office of a car dealership where not going well. That was the last job I’d had in WV and there were a couple of perks. Normal hours, weekends off, enough income to make ends meet, even if just barely, and I was good at it.
My panic disorder was causing me real problems, I’d have complete meltdowns a few times a week. I couldn’t afford meds or therapy so I was suffering through the best I could. I did a decent job of hiding it, until I didn’t.
If you asked me then where I would be in 5 years I would’ve said living in my trailer, hopefully working in an accounting office as a manager or supervisor, making enough for things to be comfortable and a few years away from building a small 2-bedroom log cabin on my property. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. People couldn’t be trusted so I just wanted to learn to be ok alone. Just me, my dog and my cat.
I had no idea that my life was about to be flipped upside down, inside out and backwards, and that it would be the single BEST THING that had ever happened to me.
Where am I now, 5 years later?
I’m living outside Richmond, VA in a beautiful 4 bedroom, 3 1/5 bath home with my own private office and sitting room for clients, and the most beautiful kitchen I could ever Imagine! My fiancé is the love of my life. If I had been able to design him out of a catalog I couldn’t have done any better. We agreed early on that we didn’t want to fight, and while we don’t always 100% agree of everything, we talk about it and work through things together and it is beautiful! My home is a respite from anything and everything, for us and for others. I don’t remember ever being this happy before, ever.
I get to spend my days helping women who have stories similar to mine 5 years ago. Women who are in “going nowhere” relationships, or deal with panic attacks, anxiety or PTSD. Women who are intuitive and feel deeply and get so tired from constantly putting up walls to protect themselves. Women who want to do good in the world but don’t think they can. Women who look at their lives and think, ”This is what life is. You struggle and then you die.”
5 years ago, that’s what I thought too. Until a single event changed my life, FOREVER. I was introduced to the medicine wheel. It’s a beautiful self healing journey that can completely change your life. What is good gets better, and what is bad gets flipped upside down and inside out and becomes something completely different.
If you had asked me 5 years ago if I thought I would ever enjoy inspiring other women and helping them succeed I would’ve told you I wasn’t smart enough, or whatever else enough. 5 years ago I really didn’t like who I saw in the mirror. I saw a screw up, a damaged good.
5 years ago I had untreated and uncontrolled panic attacks. Now, I can’t even tell you when I last had a panic attack. 5 years ago I had been diagnosed with PTSD from an abusive relationship and I had serious trust issues. Now, I meet people and enjoy building relationships! 5 years ago, I couldn’t go to the store without sweating my way across the parking lot, scared I would be attacked from a shadow. Now, I know that the events of my past that caused that fear are actually points of strength! I know what danger and fear feel like now, so I no longer mistake fear for actual danger.
These are just scratching the surface of the way my life has changed since becoming aware of the medicine wheel. There is so, so much more.
Do you struggle with any of these things? Are you ready to move on to something better? If so, please reach out! I’m happy to answer questions about my time on the wheel and all that’s changed since then!
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